Losing Everything, living with Brain Damage

“One-time drug abuse” always results in being less than what you could have become.  Drug abuse disrupts brain building and has residual destructive influence.

Expression created by drug induced brain damage

For those with ADHD, a one-time use of alcohol can appear to self-medicate and provide mental clarity.  Alcoholic addiction created by unintentional self-medication.  The side effects, various types of tissue damage of the brain and organs.

Choose to Abuse Drugs once, and likely forfeit your better future.  Strongly Risk becoming homeless, unappreciated, unvalued, and even despised.  Not just in-general, but by friends and family.  Those you care for, will learn to protect themselves from you.

A common and significant Weakness, is wanting to impress others by engaging in efforts that are self-destructive, to gain access to social inclusion.  To be fun to be around.  Fun, but are they worth your time,  and at what expense?  Not being able to identify long term consequences, nor being able to choose better pathways, is weakness.

Drug abuse doesn’t just kill brain cells, it can alter DNA.  converting the abuser into becoming less than human.  Not just for yourself, and your own children not yet born.

Abusing drugs and alcohol even once, can lead to social suicide.  Future Opportunities Abandoned; shunned.

Tracy (pseudo-name) was once highly intelligent, had a college scholarship, and was physically active.  Aspirations for greatness, were voluntarily given up by choice, to live an easy-going life supported by others, to numb their concerns, to ignore their future, to live day after day, day-to-day.  To make clear, this loved one “chose” to alter their perceptions with drug abuse, in an attempt to make friends.  To attempt to socially date within the once thought, popular crowd.  To develop access to opportunities.

Tracy’s then thought influential social crowd, with two exceptions, have now been in prison, live in mobile homes, and have day-labor jobs.  Constantly looking for ways to circumvent the law, abuse state and federal social resources, and borrow money they have no ability to pay back.

Interesting is that those of the group who struggle to make ends meet, still do drugs, and they are bound to each other by drug access, not by friendship and helping each other achieve useful goals.

Tracy now needs many millions of dollars of healthcare, and still will not be able to functionally care for themselves.  Unable to care usefully for others, they serve only themselves.

Tracy’s letter that follows, may be hard to read, because it reflects how their mind actually processes information.  Notice the attempt to sound intelligent, but they are unable to write complete sentences.  Thoughts are expressed in spasms; not coherent developments of understandings.


Don’t let yourself become this weak person.  Don’t have a first time drug abuse experience. 

————- Beginning of Tracy’s Letter ————-

“Forgive me I have discombobulated tangential and misplaced lost moments more than I’d like to admit. You have gotten quite frustrated and angry or if you remember my twitch (I had to learn to drive normal with still have today) when you were teaching me to drive- terrified with me in past at times for it but my body does what it wants where I just can’t hide it anymore. If God doesn’t take it I will be crippled and the way things are going likely paralyzed while drs have been extremely shocked and surprised at my arthritis for my age especially my gender to have at thus extent is very rare. I also have bone spurs/perineural cysts that can be anywhere on entire spine.

Cervical just said surgery was not option at this time likely down road, may be more than one form of surgery but believe was just for compression. I also feel like they’re putting cervical off to let ENT take lead. Reversed cervical loridosis, c3 forward over c4, c5 backed over c6 two inches degenerative discs disease, radiculopathy/myelopothy, and so very much more be here a yr easier send tests results to you but there’s a plethora of problematic symptoms to explain with each.

Appointment with CT and ENT surgeon in two days to address transverse sinus legion that I believe may actually be thrombosis by problematic plethoras shouldn’t be doing. The first question from ent was am I willing let operate and my gp just gave me what to expect from hospital run down so I’m pretty sure theyre gonna be doing surgery but see what CT and the surgeon over it says on 8th. I’m nervous but so problematic and serious I’m terrified of surgery but opting do all surgeries at same time in one day if could.

They already did bilateral oppcital nerve block.  I saw better than I did before Opa got my glasses when I was 9yrs old for about a month and it did help me distinguish between head pains as it has helped with some of the vision blackouts but with cervical it does as wants.

Pulse and blood pressure have been haywire iscimec level. Passing out losing consciousness. When Gp ordered abdominal ultrasound they said would if I wanted but they weren’t comfortable giving beta blocker after first reaction and the vitals log was to much everywhere and drastically usually so something had to be wrong and wanted find source.

Mental dr is being problematic agreeing with me and drs on one course of action and with gp about beta blocker but want do psych meds before physical is treated. And are trying treat me like an addict because of daily cannabis use for pain management. Majority of all of my drs back me on cannibis aware of the situation while also continue with majority of California treatment regiments


and then just give me narcotic pain medication when I can’t get pain under control with our treatment regiments and land in er. Never had a problem with pills but basically overdosing on nsaids and tylenol for so long trying to control pain and ex was in recovery so I’ve been denying the pills unless er trip cause wasn’t getting more toes deformed and worse like happened with my toradol he wanted coming down I wouldn’t give him so we fought I managed to get them flushed down the toilet despite his attempts being locked in his death grip embrace to keep out of his hands.  Left me in extreme agonizing pain but he didn’t get and I lived see another day that simple.

We know psych med route shut my body down the cannabis helps reduce medications works on multiple levels at one time while keep out my stomach (malabsorbtion issue) while keeps me from getting high (cannabis helps function cbd gets me out there high. I cannot control with edibles once in stomach hang on for ride: is no go for me liking a sober mind not to mention the malabsorbtion issues) and I’ve actually agreed to it but only after physical is addressed and resolved bc it is causing me to be off balance unstable at times like I wasn’t until broken neck with patient neglect not even cloth neck brace and 1 yr to schedule surgery consult three years ago come Thanksgiving. It’s been very rough and extreme shock to my body to say the least it takes time treat properly and level out but adding more injuries and more confirmed test results to it hasn’t helped any.

Already had epileptic testing. Inconclusive due to no epileptic episodes during testing left as seizure convulsion disorder with er standby when episodes tested for happen. Yes, some of the seizures are the mental ones but we’ve known that a long time now.

I have soft tissue disorder and tiny veins with varicose veins according to vascular leg ultrasound: ultrasound missed circulating knots in leg tho and I’m supposed to be wearing compression socks but they cut into me makes my edema even worse elsewhere but then my edema comes and goes on its own. Not sure course of action other than that.

I have a thoracic spine legion and meningioma- not sure course of action.

Enlarged liver and gallbladder polyp randomly were caught trying to catch left side swelling: I believe is my spleen observation keeping watch on right now. I believe may be cause of all of different rashes (unless the one rash is lupus that is) I’ve been having randomly and maybe cause of so many bowel obstructions.

I have hip dr on 15th. Xray results say tiny os acetabuli in left suspected bilaterally. My understanding so far is either fractured hips from truck to safety injury or am following Oma with hip dysplasia.

Blood dr on 18th. Polycthemia is on table. Have random circulating bruising exploding drop me sick as dog in a second knots and hematomas. My bruise from blowing vein trying to do iv from epileptic testing march 8th hasn’t healed yet. I’ve had random bruises no injury (very concerned with) come up on same arm that went away same day yet made blown vein bruise darker. I had a spot bothering me on elbow looked down touched it and was mush just melted and peeled but to add more oddness to it also took a week to get a thin dry scab to form which is not normal.

My finger nails are starting to club so either I’m not getting enough oxygen (has been low) or lung cancer which I do have like thinly melted black plastic crud in sinuses but considering how fast, I feel is from lack of oxygen even though we all know lung cancer is on my plate as a smoker. I am currently still trying to quit but been two years no cigarettes unless was out of cigars and mandatory to get vitals down. I was one week away from three months complete cold turkey last year when trauma from ex relapsing and temper with a no double standard drugs same as nicotine sent me over edge and only way got chest pains to stop.

Please understand as see drs comment of not get lost in system in attachment I have been this was my patient review:

[referencing her hospital survey]

Being told I was tangential for trying to slow the doctor down to #1. Stay with the doctor and what they were saying. #2. To stop the doctor to educate them on both problems and concerns where they could fully assess and diagnose. #3. To be told come back and contact  if problems continue or worsen which is the very reason being seen. #4. To follow standard domestic violence protocol going and getting help WHEN ABLE TO DO SO SAFELY to be dismissed each time after having four major head traumas , one of the head traumas includes hip, back, neck all bouncing off a dirt road at 20-40 mph and doesn’t include the struggle getting out truck jumping well falling to safety; since October with me saying check me out my flattened head popped and swell out so waited til could get here.  Just because is no police report or er report, I have proof of each incident and all just to see without injury on paperwork and tests due to basically being ignored with me saying youre seeing me cause something is wrong and is off literally is not me I am misfiring and tests results supporting it with positive Hoffman test.

[referencing her hospital survey]

A call or message saying the doctor is running three hours behind. Patients are held responsible for 24 hour notice and can be subject to fees. Listen and take patients seriously some actually care about their lives, health, and safety trying to get back and maintain a better quality and quantity of life. Patients go to doctors when something is wrong and patients are to trust the doctor with their life so what do patients do when doctors aren’t listening and just shuffle patients to be lost in the system? How do you dismiss unnormal for normal or things growing in body causing problems for normal? Or when patient is told there’s nothing else can do for them likely due to only the doctor can do what doctor sending you back to them for??

ME AGAIN: I tackle everything possible at once bc deadlines are while forced to take every second by second. I’m ground zero from ex and way he chose to live with my home and stay on bed rest trying to heal not liking what my home looks like I’ve not much choiceto stare at if my body decides to put me down. My floor, many spots are just standing linoleum: entire master side half is wet and entire middle room side half is dry; hasn’t been swept in six months and I’m livid irate drove crazy about it. Some have offered to do it for me which humbles me and irritates my independence that’s determined to do it myself. Spent all my life nothing is wrong knowing something was by no choice than push through wte issue at the time. Now getting test result confirmation something is wrong not wanting to accept something is wrong with body leaving me no choice but to while dealing with basically rebuilding my entire trailer. Everything I have already replaced inside needs replaced again due to moisture barrier broken in which speaking of will go to other repair email cause I had break up health and trailer.”

————- End of her Letter ————-

What we see in ourselves; versus, how others see us

Most likely, you gave up reading what Tracy wrote.  Tracy has an inability to: express herself clearly, recognize priorities,  act on priorities,  organize a reasonable plan of action, and follow through to reasonably arrange for support and implement plans (lack of compliance).  These are all reasons not to offer Tracy an opportunity to be heard and understood.  To attempt to help Tracy, consistently results in wasted time and squandered resources.

To have professional acumen, requires consistent nurturing of the capacity to think and express oneself clearly.  The Brain requires seeking healthy nutrition, excluding nervous system contaminants, and engaging in brain building exercises.

As found above, capitalizing on living without self-induced mental disabilities and physical pain, provides having the capacity to express Professional Acumen.  To do more together in a group, than can be accomplished individually.

Would you entrust investment selection for your hard earned investment savings, to any person who has lapses in being able to think clearly?  Don’t be that person.


A simple method of becoming interesting to a group worthy of being trusted

Become respected for your personal interests and accomplishments.  Every time you want to get interested in something, spend a timed hour a day, for 2 weeks, reading about one subject of anything that interests you, related to group interests.  Make notes.

You become interesting because of what you learn, and can share.  This is a method for making opportunities.  You can learn from the internet, how to be fun, have amusing things to share, and contribute to “useful” conversations.

Groups worthy of trust, have useful interests; that open up new opportunities.  People in those groups, have taken the time to learn about those interests.  Take the time and effort to learn.  Keep your mind healthy so you can learn, and express what you learn, usefully.

One of the most important skills of a Professional, is to be able to find ways of identifying what they don’t know, and then searching for related information.  To be able to contribute in areas, previously unappreciated.